No struggle

At a particular point in the sadhana, the struggle will cease automatically. As long as the sense of struggle lasts, there will be deep depression because of the sense of longing, mumukshutva. This is natural, though a terrible state. But it seems to have afflicted all saints. At a particular point, when the answers to how you may address this torture of the jiva mistaking itself for atman stops confusing you, you feel on a high. But this is a peculiar thing, that it has nothing to do with you. It comes on its own. You are doing all those foolish things you did before. You continue to struggle being a human. Yet, somewhere the questions have been answered. There are no doubts. You have made the choice. Even earlier, you may have made the choice. But the strange thing that is Maya drags you back, and you are not even aware. Now, as she drags you back and you feel her subtle tentacles, yet you float above that miasma she creates, unaffected by her grip. This is a a terrific high. She is there. You do feel her. Yet, you know that she, grinning at you, will pass.  She too knows she has no hold on you any more. It is now some sort of a playful thing, as you live on. She stops frightening you, with the living.  But that sort of takes a long, long while. Till then, even those people who see all sorts of things in their meditation, and are calm, are sattvic, are great beings, yet, they have not felt this losing of grip of maya.  They are still far off from this peculiar release -- of  being aware of maya and yet unaffected by her. That bypasses them, for some reason.  Somewhere, perhaps, it happens when you drop of the sense of self altogether. Make difficult choices that will not work for the ego any more. This is where the transition takes place, without you actually having worked too hard. The only thing you do here is to chose right.  See the things twined, but select that which seems not there at all. Select something that will not work for you in this world... and then, things unravel. 
Such a high, as never before. You are almost realised:)