When it is all clear

There is already great calm -- but since the mind(jiva)  is unused to it, it tries to rustle up chaos (this living, these needs, these emotions, fears, dislikes:)  to suppress that great calm.

Then there is an anxiety that has been whipped up -- a great need to do, that creates an even bigger wake of anxiety, since this is all part of what you rustled up, to suppress that calm. Such a tsunami of anxiety, created in the desperation to  suppress that calm, where That dwells, waiting...

Then the calm happens on its own -- despite the chaos and the thunder of what all you do to suppress it

Then, it seems that there is nothing but that -- the mind, the jiva's clarifies itself, settles to watching that calm --

Since it is the tool that has to be used, at least now, then you also (the mind) slips into that state of calmness...Everything is still, the anxiety you yourself created recedes. The mind remembers That. Such peace. 

It is in  that space in the doing of something, where the watching mind multi-tasks effortlessly -- choosing an action, or dumping an action, or does something or even does not do something.  You are intimately aware of all these motions of the mind, its vrittis. Then the mind allows itself to chose its course of action. In that, suddenly, when all the vrittis are clear and mind choses, you understand, perhaps we humans can say yes, there is indeed something called free will. So, where does not arise, that wisdom?

It comes on its own... sometimes the grace... maybe when the divine remembers u. And feels sorry for having tortured you that much, so long:)