Free MySpace Animations!Then there is that place where u have to just watch that nothing impure comes in to the mind. For this, u have to be first be very aware what is entering the mind. Intensely aware of each strand of thought. Two, u cannot compromise one bit here. This is very engaging and also relaxing in a way. U are in a state of deep meditation throughout, whatever u do, since u are watching yourself.
The other thing is about the compromise in thinking. U may think a particular thought is ok since that is a `protective thought', it came to protect you or instruct you so what if it is negative. In this stage, where u decide you will not compromise a lot of choosing begins to happen. Since it has to be simultaneous with rejection, it becomes like a game, where a ball is being thrown, u have to watch out for the opponent's team, keep track of your own position within your team, know your strenghts, and weakness, and if you have reached for the ball, know all about where you expect it to land -- the high intense watchfulness of a nail-biting game. That is what happens at this stage. Since winning (as in rejecting a negative) thought is paramount, you cannot afford to slip. So exciting, this part. It is also draining -- as it would be for someone untrained for a game and is playing it and finds it tough to keep pace... So in different stages of your awareness you may pass through phases where you are exhilarated, drained, or just effortless. The last is the ideal state. But that takes a while, a long while I assume.
That could be the stage where one could give up and say this game is not for you.
However, if you have the clarity of the final goal in your mind, then u can be lucky enough to push yourself mentally...
But you struggle because you are unprepared.... so that is where this sadhana and grace happens. The only thing u can control is your sadhana. Grace is the result.
But I find that instead of struggling what if you reject all thoughts? Ha, but there is a residue of reaction that comes where a thought is suppressed. Unless u have been meditating for a while, you won't know and this where you feel either drained emotionally or feel overwhelmed by your spiritual goals.
So, the thing to reject also involves being aware of what came in the first place. Since we are not all saints, we have to give a counter thought to the negative thought. This becomes intricately crucial initially. Since you are being tested (if it were a maths question) and to prove that you are indeed worthy of your result (that aligns with what your teacher has), you have to prove yourself by taking it one step at a time (as you would, while submitting your answer for a math question, giving all your steps on the answer sheet). This seems to be very important at this stage, because otherwise you will lose track of the final result or know where u are headed. The easy solution, that comes with grace, and is in the realm of saints...
I have noticed that when the thoughts come up, u can allow them the space to be there or reject them with a counter thought. Unless there is a habit of this rejection, the thought roosts and becomes you.... And then there is that attachment of the sense of I to this thought, and all that baggage that you are so desperately trying to jettison:) Unfortunately, since most of this happens at a subconscious level, we all get stuck with patterns that become us, and so difficult to break due to this thing that feeds on itself.
I recall while singing, one day, how Jayshri and I were soaring, I following her every note without fear and she pushing her voice over the scale in the harmonium. But during a lull, while sipping coffee, when Jayshri and I were talking casually, the conversation veered towards someone we both did not much like. We discussed this person for a few seconds, reverting to our singing. Surprisingly, the flow of music was not perfect any more, there were jerks in my pick-up. It astounded both of us who believed it came about because we had been negative. And what struck us both also was that we thought we were just discussing something casually, and were not being negative in the evil way, how did it affect our singing? And as householders (karma sannyasis) were we not entitled to analyse such persons who deliberately came in our path, and who wished to irritate or annoy us.. Apparently, not... !! Otherwise why would the flow be ruined... It seems everything comes with some impact and negative things place a lot of toxic load in us and we are all of us, moving about, with such casual poisoning in us... Sometimes the task seems overwhelming -- what is pure, by yoga definition. But eventually, we can give us ourselves easy formulas for purification. It may hurt us perhaps, but if the goal is intact and the integrity of your attempt intact, most likely you will not feel the pain:)
Some people use negativity and anger and excitement and as well as the need to be entertained (they call it passion) to move ahead in life. That may be their karma. For some us, another goal is set, shorn of entertainment and sere. But something soars in that austere landscape of the mind, when it becomes increasingly pure... That is the thing, u know:)
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