Monkey mind: even the intellect is suspect!

Free MySpace Animations!

The big thing that surfaced, after years of meditation, is the idea that one's own awareness can actually be spiritually disturbing. That the awareness becomes a trigger for extroverting the mind, and thus, it actually ruins it from its steadiness of fixed intention on THAT. It was such a shock when this surfaced, like scum on top of already turgid water. Because awareness itself was born of intense meditation..So, you suddenly appreciate what Ramana suggests -- it is work, and constant work, of meditation till your mind becomes crystal clear, from the trying...

Here is how awareness/which I  believe is triggered by the intellect (referred in yoga as buddhi) can interfere and disturb you from remembering That, if not watched out for. From the words of Swami Niranjananda in his latest book which I've just acquired: Mind, mind management and Raja yoga



Buddhi is of two types : firm and negotiable. The firm buddhi denotes firmness of nature, idea, thought and knowledge. You are not oscillating, vacillating and fluctuating in your thoughts, ideas and perceptions.  That firmness and clarity is the decided inteligence nischatyatmika buddhi, the stable buddhi. The fluctuating nature vyavasayatmika buddhi.

Most of the time, it is the negotiable buddhi that is active in you.

When buddhi is not used properly, it becomes clouded. Buddhi is also the source of all passions and desires. When vasanas become strong, then the colour of buddhi changes completely. It is similar to ink being mixed with water. If black ink is mixed into a glass of clear water the entire coulor of water will change.

One sadhana: one focus

So, in a way sadhana acts like a boat, that takes you over the turbulence of your own mind whose only instinct is the constant need to recreate itself. This natural, biological, neurochemical  turbulence is ideal for this sort of reinvention. One, it provides many possibilities for the mind to invent itself. Also, it is where eddies of patterns, ancient (sanchita and prabhda karma and your samskaras, from 8.4 lakh lives, as Shankaracharya says, lie hidden). Even the turbulence of your mind can be handled (if you are in safe, strong boat/sadhana). But what do you do about the eddies, the hidden, cunning ones that draw the boat down, set to drown you?

You will find out the patterns are stubborn. They seem to have been won over. But the victory is short-lived. Like in those thriller films you may seen, the eddy is where your boat gets stuck. You cannot move, even as  the turbulence of your mind rolls over you. Here is where some of us get stuck -- sadhana notwithstanding. It can even break the boat. It's intent, to sink you:)

A lot of spiritual anger one feels comes from this... How do you break that eddy, that relentless pattern.

Here, it is again, that act of grace. If you keep on trying, continuing in a state of faith (not religiously, but spiritually) sure that something will crack this relentless drag, then...

That is what all the scriptures say: be steadfast. Hang on, spiritually. That needs a lot of courage. But more than that, a great thirst... Can the turbulence, and the drag of the eddy, tire you from your hold ... fling you back, so you have to start all over?

8.4 lakh lives, not knowing. Being flung back, again and again:(