Lazy brain bird: and the art of uselessness

Was reading a scholar's take on the Gita recently and realized that scholars sometimes miss the point in all the clutter they bring into their scholarship. The Gita has a powerful yogic message. Like all messages which are special, it gets to be interpreted in many ways. The yoga path of Gita is very clear and pure. And on that, those of us in the state of mumukshutva have no doubt. Others, wishing to impress upon the world with their scholarship, I fear often miss the wood for the trees. But they do not have this craving and therefore their one desire, to impress, often suffocates the more subtle but equally intense mumukshutva. Often, when I read scholars writing on philosophy, it is very clear to me, that many have become egotistic and have completely missed the point. This is true, even of those who claim extreme feelings for a subject.. somehow, the ego appears to take over, even over the subject, as if they wish to dominate to the exclusion of everything, including the topic.

Here, there is this beautiful, tricky Tao idea about uselessness and usefulness.

Hu Tzu said to ChuangTzu --Tell me about the useless.

Once you understand the useless, that's when you're ready to start talking about the useful. For example, heaven and earth are expansive and huge everywhere, but any individual only takes enough to put his foot on.If however, you dug deep right around someone's feet reaching all the way to the Yellow Springs  would the spot still be useful?
No, it would be useless.
So, in this case, the useless greatly clarifies what it means to be useful.
(From the Chaung-Tzu,The Tao of Perfect Happiness.
Translation and Annotation, by Livia Kohn)

(The image is from this http://theplayfulom.com/tag/chuang-tzu/)

 

Moral of the story is ...Ergo, ego!!

This happened at the Vipassana center. The second time I went. I had the arrogance of a serious meditator, who had been `serious' the first time round too:)  That happens with spiritual people, the rise of such a subtle arrogance that it can bypass the juding, objective mind!

The lady in front was wearing a low waist sareee, over which her stomach drooped. Her pallav seemed to keep slipping between her huge breasts. And possibly with the same judgemental thot that could hit anybody, I thot, 'Why is she here! This place is not  for people like her..." and something to that effort. But fortunately for me, just as soon as that thot came, another came, to stifle it:"U are meditating? This is your idea of meditating, believing u love the world but secretly judge it so harshly?? " So, there were options -- of two thots -- I could identify with. Both had risen from the ego -- one, `bad'; the other,'`good'.

Then finally a third one came, for which I am thankful, which said, "These are thots that just came up. U don't need to identify with either. Step back." All this happens in less than a fraction of a second. Plus, it is not all laid out in a verbal format.. Plus, they are not individual ones. These are slivers of thots, layered, so u may think they are one. But I realised that once u reacted to the thot, it became u. If u did not react, u could keep it aside. The first thot just came... possibly it would be natural to most observant people. The second one, in the guise of spiritual observer, also was dangerous, because if u identified with that, then u, by proxy, identified with the first one too!!!  A lot of spiritual anger -- mine esp -- comes from that, where the anger turns upon oneself (for being a judgemental bitch:), plus because u end up reacting and mulling over these thoughts which slip back and forth between judging,  suppressing. The judging thot tries to find rationalisation for judging, and the suppressing thot, tries to reason that out. A lot of subconscious garbage is generated this way. So I just stepped back, seeing the thot as it came, deciding, it was a thot, and I was choosing not to associate with it. And I was not going to react to me reacting either! This is where I had been stuck a long while too, and can be the very hell, because thots will not be suppressed or talked out of... U can only disassociate yourself from them! If u watch them, suddenly, it is easy to step aside. Not associate with any thought. And this disassociation is not a matter of technique, but a matter of sheer, pure practice.A constant meditation, a regular practice, and dedication. Then, lo, suddenly, u can watch thots, feelings as they swim up through the `thousand gates of your mind'. The overview, in a fraction of a second, over the thots gives u the natural ability to step aside.

The most amazing part of the story is not all that to-fro morality over a simple, irrelevant  thot. That was just the build-up. The amazing thing, is that at the end of the course, the lady comes to hug me. She says that having people like me made her vipassana experience beautiful. This hit me between the eyes. What did she feel? Here I was trying to step my ego aside in not judging her, and she felt love. It seemed to me rather clear that if my ego stepped back, if I willed a thought away, something came through that was not I. That was beautiful because it was not born of the ego. I was thunder-struck.

And no, the story is not yet over.

As we left the Alandi center (it is off Pune, so u must use a state transport bus to reach-leave it), we were bunched up at the gate,  forlorn. The state bus was cancelled. The first time, this had happened. And going back to Pune can be an awkward adventure u don't want, esp after an intensive silent retreat. 

As I was wondering what I was to do, an old fiat drives up from inside. That  lady again. Some of her `friends' (some people form groups even though that is not encouraged and these girls were with this woman that way) moved ahead, hoping for a lift. I wondered which of the two she will ask in. Then, she points out to me," Come, come. I was searching inside the center and rooms for you, for half hour. I wanted to give u a lift till Pune." !!!!

Really. This was a powerful Oh-Lord moment for me. I felt that just the fact that I had set aside a thot (both the good and the bad) that rose from ego towards her meant she felt some great love that flew through us both, connecting us together. I had not done anything at all to encourage the deep warmth she displayed to me. Yet, here she was, choosing me over the others who were ostensibly closer to her, feeling an affection that rose from something else.

Often, I realise this is what my meditation is all about: The overview which tells me if a thot is ego-laced. And the stepping back. This is meditation for me. And things open. Spaces I have not been to. Even in my mind.

Life is so simple, so beautiful, so powerful when u get into that ego-less place.